INTRODUCTION

Welcome to our BLOG.

WARNING : this site is rated [BH] - contents will be defined as black humour.
If you are not into black (sometimes very black) humour please click away and fuck off we don't need you!

A - WHY WARPHINE ?

like all newly created words, WARPHINE is composed of two words defined as follows :

WAR : The waging of armed conflict against an enemy

MORPHINE : An alkaloid narcotic drug extracted from opium; a powerful, habit-forming narcotic used to relieve pain

Let's face it, we've all watched enough war movies in our lifetime to know that the only thing soldiers like in war is MORPHINE, I mean come on! how many times you've heard this sentence : "HIT ME GOD DAMN IT I NEED IT!" and once hit, the wounded soldier smiles, drops a tear and starts opening his heart up to a complete stranger that somehow is very interested and vows to tell the parents of the HIGH on morphine soon to be a martyre criticaly wounded soldier that they should be proud of their son etc..

so we figured, our blog is about looking at the bright side of war and not let it bother you .... WARPHINE !!! (simple yet ingenius no ?)


B - ABOUT OUR BLOG

First of all it's important to know that We are Lebanese, most of the world (including the president of the US of A) thought that it's a breed of dogs, "ohhh right my cousin had a lebanese and it was black, CUTE AS HELL". The other 30% of the world knows a lot about Lebanon, : " ohh yeah it's this shitty arabic country with people shooting people a bit like IRAK but somehow greener" (those are actualy the ones that were there in the 70's and 80's.

BUT NOW ALL HAS CHANGED !!!!
LEBANON IS FAMOUS AGAIN ! EVERYBODY NOW KNOWS LEBANON AS : "this shitty arabic country with people shooting people"
so that's cool! thanks CNN and co. for making us famous again!

Now we know that it's all bullshit and we LOVE our country!
but we will let somebody else promote the beauty of our country in another blog or something, coz that's not what we're here for.

The thing is, the world is turning into a huge playground for crazy fucks with guns, Scenarios are always cooked up to provoque a conflict that will lead to war, resulting in financial and political profit for people that are not even involved in the war itself.

So basicaly we can say that WAR is the most dangerous grown up game EVER.

We are the generation of Lebanese people that lived throughout the big war of Lebanon (or most of it) when we were kids, for us it was all about chilling in the shelters with our neighbours, drawing, playing cards and well having fun while the schools were closed.
Now we are all mature and grown up and we have a similar yet lighter situation stricking our country.

For us, during war there are different kinds of players :

THE ONES THAT ORGANISE THE GAME
THE ONES THAT PLAY THE GAME
THE ONES THAT GET FUCKED IN THE GAME
THE ONES THAT STRESS AND STRESS DURING ALL THE GAME
THE ONES THAT GET THE HELL OUT OF THE GAMEBOARD
AND ... THE ONES THAT : STAY PUT "RELAX, SIT BACK & TRIP ON WAR" AND WAIT FOR IT TO PASS. (THAT'S US!!!)

You may have a reaction, like : "what the fuck are you talking about HOW CAN YOU ??!! HOW CAN YOU NOT BE INVOLVED IN ANYWAY YOU CAN ! HOW CAN YOU LAUGH ABOUT IT !! "

Correction : we are not mocking the game or the players! we are pissed off that this is happening, we are pissed off that well we are stuck and we can't do shit. But we are not willing to go out and kill ourselves for a game and we also know that well if we get all "intellectually involved" and "let our voice be heard" the result in the end will still be the same ....
We look at war in a real - blunt (not the singer) way, don't know if you noticed, but only in movies there are bad guys and good guys, in real life war, there are only bad guys and victimes.
so you can say that we are well ... REALISTIC PATRIOTICS. Here you go I just defined myself!

SO - IF you are still reading, and you didn't click on back or forward or quit or turn off or sleep or hybernate or log off ....
you are def. going to enjoy, what is yet to come!

A MANUAL, IN FORM OF SIMPLE "EASY TO APPLY STEPS" THAT WILL EVENTUALY HELP YOU THROUGH ANY KIND OF WAR IN ANY KIND OF COUNTRY.

Rgds, etc..
The editors (yes it's us tripping on war in the pic)

1 - SHOPPING LIKE A MANIAC

OK, let’s start here, the war started it is final : people are shooting people you’ve got to start preparing yourself for the chill!

First thing’s first, your basic instincts kick in! You start thinking about big words like SURVIVAL and FOOD. and the first rule about chilling is : DO NOT STRESS - GO SHOPPING!!

A basic “beginning of war shopping” should be made with the utmost superior intelligence. You have to know what to shop today for tomorrow and what not to shop today because you can shop for it tomorrow…

That’s why you need to know your exports and imports…

Don’t go buying things with close by expiry dates, buy lots of cans of everything, lots of pasta, canned sauces and shit like that. Don’t rush on bread, vegetables and fruits because they will always be there! And if you like MILK buy bottles of imported milk before they are out of stock coz powder milk … this shit sucks!

I think you got my drift …

Don’t forget… ALWAYS KEEP IN MIND THE BUDGET coz the money you have is ALL you have, for that… YOU AIN’T WORKING BIAAATCH! Buy stuff you can cook at home because delivery is not only unhealthy but can also be costly on the long run!

As the “wise man” once said : “shop till you stop!”

2 - GOT POWER?

Enemies are by definition nasty mother Fuckers! So they will surely be blocking all your ports, bombing all your infrastructure and everything else made for your comfort… all this will of course lead to shortage of fuel this will lead to POWER problem coz everything is related! No fuel no electricity no nothing!

First thing you need to do is get yourself a damn good power generator. Of course this doesn’t solve the problem entirely! You need also enough GAS for it! And believe me you will need to run this thing more than 18 hours a day so be careful!! stock up!! and be wise using your available fuel, you never know when you will be REALY needing it!

Don’t forget the good old white cheap classic candles (not the scented ones coz you are going to need QUANTITIES of wax!!)

As the “wise man” once said : “Don’t be a fool – buy fuel!!”

3 - SETTING UP YOUR TRIPPING SPACE

You’ve got step 1 and 2 figured out, it feels better hein? You feel safe! You feel PREPARED! Now you’ve got to pick your “Tripping space!”

When picking your space it’s all about “Location Location Location” respect the three L’s and the three L’s will respect you back coz respect is mutual! (what am I talking about ??!!). No seriously if the war is going on in the south, pick your space in the north, if you can’t go to the north then pick the closet available space you can find near the embassy of the strongest country in this particular war, OR just think forward and buy a flat next to the “US of fuckin’ A” embassy this way you’ll be safe even when the next war comes! (clever hein?).

Once you picked the location, decorate your space in a nice cozy way, use dark warm colors and think COMFORTABLE coz your ass ain’t gonna leave this couch BIAAATCH!

As the “wise man” once said : “Don’t loose faith, Pick your space!”

4 - FINDING THE PERFECT TRIPPING ENTOURAGE

Till this point, you are comfortably installed in your cozy safe little cocoon, you have enough food to live on for a month or so, your mind is rested when it comes to power…

You’re surely not going to be tripping alone! That’s UNHEARD OF!
So… SURROUND YOURSELF!!

The criteria you will looking for when it comes to privileged members of your “entourage” are all based on simply whether you are not bothered by the person sitting next you!
You have to be on the same wavelength! You can’t be with a person who is constantly panicking and complaining, who wants to watch the news 24hours over 24. when all you want to do is relax listen to some quality music or watch a movie!

Also in war there are lots and lots of different point of views when it comes to politics so try to find somebody that shares your own point of view, to avoid endless discussions and clashes – coz spending 2 precious hours on a political issue will not stop the war!
Now if you don’t give a fuck about politics you can either find neutral fellow chillers or you can just pick them randomly and just nod your head and think of something else when a political subject is brought up.

Just remember once you pick them there’s a big chance you are not going to get rid of them for a while.

As the FRENCH “wise man” once said : “Sois sage, choisis ton entourage!”

5 - ENTERTAINEMENT TODAY

Yeap! always rely on the big ET to help you out with your chill!

You need to think of all the inventions ever created by men, which sole purpose is to entertain and kill time. After you have drafted this list. Move your ass and make sure you’ve got it all!

DVD PLAYER, PS2, XBOX, GAMECUBE, PSP or even SUPER NINTENDO, and SEGA MEGA DRIVE (for the classics lovers)… Get yourselves A SUDOKU book with 1000’s of grids to complete, a PUZZLE! And while your at it why not get yourself one of those hobby boxes : painting in numbers, building plastic nonsense war planes (preferably not the models that are bombing you, coz then it gets depressing).

And of course search deep in your attic and find your old classic game boards: MONOPOLY, RISK, TRIVIAL PURSUIT, PICTIONARY, SCRABBLES, CHEST, BACKGAMMON ANYTHING YOU CAN GET YOUR HANDS ON!! But please don’t look too deep and end up playing with your old sister’s Barbie dolls! That shit is just common sense, SICK!!!

Last but not least, you’ve got to have your Internet and cable TV all set up coz it’s a life saver believe us!

As the “wise man” once said : “When you’re detained, keep yourself entertained!”

6 – SO 80’S!!

You may find that a bit weird at first, but believe me, after two weeks of war you’ll understand! TRUST US!!

For all of you that have read the introduction, y’all know by now that in our case this whole charade of war is kind of a freaky “deja-vu” so it’s only normal for us that our lives drop 20 years!

So for all of you from different backgrounds or different generations apply this step to your particular case! Or just fucking skip it! See if we care…

(And for all our viewers from Japan : KONISHIWA BIAAATCHES!)

Anyway, to adapt better to the situation remember the good old days, and turn this depressing fact into an homage to the 80’s, organize house parties, form dancing circles and invent new steps and new ways to invite your chosen dance partner! (exciting!). And be brave! Whip out the classic slow tunes! You never know, you can always get lucky with a “tight slow” situation! ;-)

The weirdest 80’s come back effect we personally experienced is that the same patriotic old school songs that used to be summer hits in the 80’s are now … well… summer hits AGAIN! And it’s all we watch on TV during this period. Don’t let it depress you, our advice: look at the bright side, at least you get to squeeze some laughs out of the KORNY, UGLY 80’s video clips!!

As the “wise man” once said : “don’t let the “eighties” become “A tease””

7 - SOURCES OF INSPIRATION

To trip, you sometimes need help fm an external source of well… inspiration!
Alcohol, Drugs, Yoga, Praying, Masturbation… take a pick it surely doesn’t concern us!

As the “wise man” once said: “I don’t care if it doesn’t rime… inspiration is the mother of all trips… at all time”

8 - A STEADY ROUTINE

ORGANISE YOUR CHILL BIAAATCH !!!

Check the cable TV program, mark what interests you, check when there are re runs and draft what we like to call: a “TV watching program”, and fill the empty time slots by some quality DVD watching or ANY mean of entertainment we talked about in step 5!!

Don’t forget, chilling doesn’t mean ignorance, so keep an eye on the news and make way for at least 4 hours of news a day, and NEVER, EVER miss the rare orgasmic speeches of war leaders.

EMERGENCY PLAN: in case the power fails on you, use up all the fun “power independent” stuff you have stored for those cases! (See Step 5 for ideas)

All of the above will be very useful if the war ends up lasting more than few weeks… imagine! You will be looking forward for Tuesday because Tuesday is MONOPOLY night! Goody Goody!! WAR is fun!!!

As the “wise man” once said: “To make it a perfect Warphine get a steady routine”

9 - MIXING “SHOCK AND AWE”

Once you reached this step it means that you literally mastered the art of: Relaxing, sitting back and chilling…
Both your mind and soul are totally in sync you are then ready to explore deeper fun…

If the sound of bombs falling, airplanes passing and/or Ambulances rushing, bother you… close your eyes, get the pattern (there always is one) and feel the beat! Once you reach this stage, mix some tunes with the beats or create your own songs!

Rapping on “shock and awe” is my personal favorite so be sure you get a microphone ASAP!

As the “wise man” once said: “Sounds of fear are melodies to my ear”

THE WISE MEN - MYTH OR REALITY?

The wise man once said : “lying deep deep inside every man there is … a WISE MAN”

By now you probably think that we have been getting inspiration fm the wise man within us… but we aren’t! in fact before even starting this Blog we were wise enough to chat with the wise man and his friend the French wise man, and they said :

Guys if you want to : Relax, sit back and trip on WAR ;

“shop till you stop! Don’t be a fool, buy fuel!!, don’t loose faith, pick your space, sois sage, choisis ton entourage!, When you’re detained, keep yourself entertained!, don’t let the “eighties” become “A tease”, I don’t care if it doesn’t rime… inspiration is the mother of all trips… at all time!
To make it a perfect Warphine get a steady routine and finally, sounds of fear are melodies to my ear!

After saying all this they both disappeared in thin air, and we then understood that we needed to develop their ideas, and this is how the 9 steps came to life…

We then thought that we should at least pay tribute to our two wise men, so...
LADIES AND GENTS WE BRING TO YOU : THE WISE MEN